mundane thebeautiful

(Some random passing thoughts before going to bed)

The last few weeks of graduate school (apart from the summer that I’ll be spending to finish my thesis) are coming up and I still have no idea where I’ll be after July. A part of me wishes to end the nomadic life and settle back home with family helping Korean children, adolescents, and families. But another part of me still has difficulty picturing such a thing happening.

5,3,4,4,2,5,1,and now almost 2 years in New York.

What does it mean to stay in one place for more than 5 years?
How does it feel to stay in one place for more than 5 years?
Does it feel stable, familiar, and safe? Perhaps I won’t be looking around so much for familiarity in my daily life? Will I be less anxious about not knowing?
 

Probably not.
The struggle towards patience will still be there. Many things will be unexpected. Transitions will continue, and there will be hellos as well as goodbyes.
But maybe I'll be able to wait longer? endure more? trust deeply? love wholeheartedly? After all, I'm only human and I can’t predict the futureㅡeven the nearest minute or second. If I had such super powers, I would never be anxious or afraid of what's to come. But also, my heart would never be given the chance to grow or be refined to it's original shape. It would not have memories to recallㅡof being seen and loved by another.